What I Did For Love

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1374291_724263284266109_1603825607_nSo I openly and loudly consider myself one of the luckiest women alive, because somehow I managed to find one of those incredibly rare and unique men who is kind, loving, loyal, intelligent, funny, laid back, and who puts up with me willingly and happily. Oh, and he’s hot. Like REAL hot. Good work, Murin.

Fear not, this whole blog is not going to be a sickeningly delirious post about how much I love my fiancee and how lucky I am to have found him and blah blah blah chick lit novel I can’t believe he’s mine what did I do to deserve this. No, I deserve him. Oh, I freaking deserve him. Because when I look back on everything I went through to get him? I can’t believe I lasted this long without becoming a nun or a cat lady, or worst of all, a contestant on The Bachelor.

So for a moment, let’s travel back in time to my younger (stupider), more innocent (stupider) days, where I was willing to give 98% of men a chance to be my Prince Charming, and I believed that every time a guy slept with me, he obviously must love me and would never be able to live without me. Yes, I did all of the standard insane things one does when their adrenaline and emotions and libido are all racing to an unforeseen finish line. I called too much, texted too much, stalked MySpace (yup, I said it), and IMed with my friends late into the night, cutting and pasting every IM chat I’d had with him, analyzing all the different things “gotta go now bye” could possibly mean.

When I was in college, I wore the same kind of deodorant that my crush wore because I wanted to smell him all day. It was Old Spice. What I smelled like for love.

Also in college, I was SO determined to make an ex-boyfriend jealous that I somehow finagled myself a solo in a presentation for the whole theatre department which involved performing a striptease down to my underwear and seducing a guy. (Fun trivia, it was Mark Fisher of Mark Fisher Fitness! And for you musical theatre nerds out there, it was “Some Other Life” from Hello Again.) And as Mark Fisher had not yet invented his stellar Snatched workout program, I was not snatched in any way and had somehow gained 22 pounds my freshman year. What I did for love. Or revenge?

There was yet another college boy who I was sure was the love of my life. One summer night while we were both home with our parents, we each drove halfway towards each other and met at midnight on the Palisades Parkway, just to say hello. Actually, that one is kind of awesome. Except that he happened to be my boyfriend’s best friend. #whatididforlove #oops

One night, while I was out of town doing a show, I had a one night stand with someone I was working with. I knew he was leaving the next day, so when it came time to go back to my hotel room, I purposely left my bra in HIS hotel room so I could go back the next day and see him one more time before he left. When I knocked on the door, he told me he had already packed his suitcases and he didn’t find a bra anywhere. I mean, dude, I know it was there. He still owes me a bra. What I lost for “love.”

When I was 24, I somehow convinced myself that the guy I was meant to be with was a 20 year old who illegally owned a gun, grew weed in his closet, and kept all of his cash in his underwear drawer because he didn’t have a bank account. But he was sooooo sweet. What I could have gotten arrested for for love.

Within one year, I flew to three different states to visit three different guys and then never saw them again. What I paid for love.

I moved to Long Island to live with a guy I had only been dating for 5 months, and started working as a nanny. I was away from my wonderful apartment that I shared with my best friend in the world, away from my favorite city in the world, and away from where all of the auditions were held on a daily basis. Which meant I gave up a little corner of my own dream of being on Broadway, because it was just easier to stay home and cook him dinner. And for the first time in my life, I actually had to think about my answer when he asked me, “So how long are you going to do this acting thing for?” What I sacrificed for love.

I got married and divorced. What I really truly believed in for love.

And the worst offense of all? I, Patricia Marie Elizabeth Murin, lifelong New York Giants fan, rooted for goddamn New England Patriots. What I am still ashamed of for love.

For all of you singles out there, it took me way longer than I hope it takes you to learn what it means to really know yourself, and to respect yourself when it comes to dating and mating and love. Because if someone really loves you? They won’t care if you own a sweatshirt with the logo of their crappy football team on it. And if you really, truly love someone? You’ll never even consider buying one.335098_374674802558294_1896347909_o

365 thoughts on “What I Did For Love”

  3. Hi murin
    I recently got engaged and me and my fiance have quite the opposite physical build
    For love, i am running 10 miles a day to lose weight 😀 guess what …
    She tells me on phone she is having supplements to gain weiGht…. oh god we laughed so hard on that … none of us have to do it… we ar3so so so much in love

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  8. Very funny and poignant at the same time….Ah, youth…what we all did for love at some point in time. Reading your story made me cringe a little bit as I recalled some of my memories but truth be told, I have to look back and laugh at most of them…
    Great story.

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  9. Wow. That was a long process! But sometimes we need to learn the hard way… Ladies should love and respect themselves first before any man. We can’t give what we do not have…So how we can we love a man back when we do not love ourselves first? Wonderful post.

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  11. Aw I really enjoyed your honesty and reflection in this post. It’s so true the more years that pass, the more we can admit to the things we will never do again. Le sigh 🙂 Congrats on learning from it all and choosing the right ending!

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  14. I was absolutely giggling till the very end…and I’m a tough crowd. Brilliantly and colorfully written, with just the right amount of sass to interest a spitfire like me. 🙂

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  15. If you have the best person with you, it speaks a lot about you! You have attracted the guy with the qualities you already have!
    You are indeed mirroring yourself for you must be kind, loving, loyal, intelligent, funny, laid back & one hell of a Hottie! 🙂

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  16. I can really mirror most things. And this is brilliant for people out there who NEED to understand such phases before it is too late. But then again, it is never too late. Spreading the word about this post.

    And congratulations on being yourself!

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  30. Patti,
    I love your confident humor. You have admitted to doing the same ridiculous things that so many of us have done. (I should only really
    speak for myself) And you laugh at yourself without being ashamed or self-deprecating. Instead, you draw me in and make me feel more human for having done them too. Ahh, we were so young- and thankfully there was no social media to catch every painful detail. Happy to see you so happy.

    Thanks,
    Emily Hope

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  31. Oh wow! Thanks for inspiring me to take my own walk down memory lane of the things I did for love back in the day. Just thinking about everything from before makes me even more grateful that I’m with such an awesome husband.

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  35. Lovely post! They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince charming, but I think that is a silly quote. Your story just proves that it takes a long time for us to discover ourselves and only then the pursuit for the person to share our lives with makes sense.

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  36. Hi Patti, just wanted to say I love your blog and in particular this post 🙂 I came across a video of you and Colin singing I Choose You completely by chance (I’m a big fan of Arrow and in particular his character, so when it came up on tumblr, I decided to click and MY GOD you both have the voices of angels). You’re so honest about what you’ve done for love in the past, and I think that makes such a refreshing change.

    Anyway, I know this isn’t really related to your post itself, but I read in one of your other posts that you have clinical depression and anxiety. I do too, and I have done since I was 17. I struggle a lot with the stigma of mental illness that unfortunately still exists today, especially with my family, who aren’t exactly accepting of it particularly because I take medication. I was wondering, if you wanted ideas for posts, I would love to hear some tips of how you handle it and who supports you. I know i

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  37. You know the Julia Roberts character in “Runaway Bride”? Well, that was me. You wanna girl who hikes? I hike! (Lie) Surf? (Good swimmer but the riptide off Maui almost killed me!) Debate philosophy? Help with a political campaign? All of the above. And I tell you? All I got was TIRED. So I stopped and learned about me – who i was. And I found this genuinely funny, mystical, passionate person. I barely recognized her! It’s been five years. I’m 45. Single. Childless. And it’s okay, because I’m happily authentic. I cheer for the Canucks because they’re a damn good hockey team. I don’t watch Fox News because…yuck! Anyway. Thanks Patti! It’s all about not compromising because that is just going to end in disaster. Blessings upon blessings for your marriage!

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  39. Awesome post! Yep, the things we do for love. I’m now married to an amazing man who has never once asked me to wear a Georgia tech shirt! If he did I would laugh at him and never fear him leaving me. That’s love!

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  40. Now entering the 3-0 club, I can absolutely relate to the many things one has done, lost, suffered for love on your blog post. Thank you so much for sharing parts of your hard-earned wisdom in life, and giving me (at least) a friendly reminder that one day, I will stop kissing frogs and get my prince charming (though probably not as talented in the singing department as Mr. Donnell…)

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    • I sometimes wonder what life would have been like in Ecuador, and what my sacrifices for love meant. The sacrifices, I slaved and scrounged for, only to have to endure a abrupt, cold and heartless end to what I thought would be my poetic and romantic life with you. I truly felt my heart’s adhesion to my soul ripping away from itself. Unanswered intricate details left for years to mindlessly wander and ponder in the ether.

      Thanks for your post, so I at least have a little something to rest this heart with. Knowing I am a frog amongst frogs, and not a charming prince, nor even considered such. This, is closer, this is what mends the soul, and helps the heart regain its strength to carry forth.

      …. I deserved a better ending, I was not just another frog….

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  42. I like your introspection into the results of your choices made in your earlier dating years. My greatest hope is my 3 children make choices true to them.
    When I met my DH, I was 18 and knew everything. When I dated him at 20, I thought I knew a lot. When we married at 23, I was optimistic about what I knew. And now, at 44, I realize I knew very little when I was younger.
    But, our commitment to each other has weathered many storms, because we truly see and accept the other, while encouraging our dreams, for ourselves, as well as each other. Blessings to you both for making the commitment to see it all, and stick around anyway!

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  43. Such a great post. I think we all can relate to sacrificing a little of ourselves in hopes of finding a great love. We all deserve a person who loves us for who we really are, even when sometimes it means being alone rather than settling for just anyone. It’s wonderful you’ve found such love and happiness.

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  44. That was fantastic. And I relate a little too well to some of it. Happily married 15 years. Took awhile but life with the “right one” is sooo much better. Apparently we have to get smart enough to KNOW what we deserve before we can HAVE what we deserve.

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  45. You know it IS love when you marry someone that roots for that (cough) team! The only time I where a shirt with that blasphemous logo, is when I am painting, doing the litter box, etc. He lets me wear my logo, a STAR, of course, and I let him wear his gear – it makes fall and winter interesting! Congrats on finding your amazing man!

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  46. As someone who absolutely adores both you and Colin (amazing separate, but even more incredible together) I am so happy you shared this with all of us. I’m at that point in my life where all of my friends are pairing off, and I’m stuck here wondering “What is wrong with me?” But reading this, and hearing about all you went through to find your Prince Charming definitely gives me hope that one day I’ll find mine. Love you Patti!

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  48. What a thoughtful and sweet post. I’m a single and I already have the “cat lady starter kit” (four). I’ve bought CDs for bands I’d never heard of just because they were some guy’s favorite. But, I’ve also learned my lessons. I think we all go through that period where we’ll do ANYTHING for “that guy” and we end up sacrificing part of ourselves. Maybe it’s just a rite of womanhood. To go through those landmines so we can know what we want/don’t want and fully appreciate it when we find it.

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