Scene 1: My fiancee and I inside our local Bath, Kitchen & More Crap store, enveloped in a Wedding Wonderland of extremely breakable crystal wine glasses and china, sitting at a desk in front of a smiling Bath, Kitchen & More Crap employee.
Customer Service Representative: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, we would like to open a wedding registry.
CSR: Great, congratulations! When is the date?
Colin: Next month.
CSR: ………like of this year?
Scene 2: I bump into a Random Acquaintance on the street in midtown Manhattan. The subject of the wedding comes up.
Random Acquaintance on the Street: Oh my gosh, the wedding is so soon! Are you freaking out? Are you totally stressed??
Me: Um, I mean….not really.
Me: I mean…..no.
RAotS: How is that possible???
Me: Um….we’re just really bad at wedding planning?
Scene 3: Talking to my fiancee less than a month out from the wedding.
Me: So, I guess we should start ordering some stuff.
Colin: Yeah, I guess. Like what?
Me: Um….I don’t know. Let’s just watch Orphan Black instead.
Obviously, we have been slightly more than lax when it comes to planning our wedding, which is arriving very quickly. At this very moment I have about five other windows open on Safari, each on a different website that I should be ordering something from, or researching something on, or emailing someone from. And yet I’m sitting here, literally writing about all of the things I’m supposed to be doing instead of using that energy to actually do them.
Don’t get me wrong, we are absolutely ecstatic to be getting married and sharing this special day with our families and closest friends. He and I couldn’t be happier to spend the rest of our lives together, and we have never been happier in our whole lives than we are at any given moment of any given day. But in this whole process, we’ve admittedly lacked a certain “must-do” attitude, and a certain passion for the actual planning part of it.
You know why? Because in the grand scheme of things, it’s one day. It’s going to be an incredible celebration and an emotional party. But I refuse to get caught up in the details. When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter. The first time I planned a wedding, I made lists and stuck to timelines and and bought piles of books and had an account on theknot.com, and I cried more in the two weeks before my wedding than I did the whole year before that. And guess what? We got divorced less than four years later. Lesson? If you can’t find something blue for your special day, don’t sweat it. We all know you’ll just end up wearing blue underwear anyway, since there is really no other good option. (Seriously, blue garter belt? Blue earrings? Who came up with blue anyway?)
So this time around, I refuse to adhere to traditions. Anytime the words “this is what normally happens,” or “usually it goes like this” are uttered, we regroup, take a breath, and ask ourselves what it is that we really want. Lucky for me, I have a fiancee who feels the exact same way (and don’t think I don’t remind him weekly about how lucky he is that I’m the polar opposite of a Bridezilla).
Maybe this comes with age. Or experience. Or maybe I’m a little jaded after my first time through the wedding maze. Or a combination of the three. OR maybe it’s because I’ve finally found everything that I have ever wanted in a man, and in my life, and I refuse to let anything or anyone change my focus. I don’t need my wedding day to be the best day of my life, because I want every single day after that to be the best day of my life.
And we’ve made some mistakes along the way. We could have included our parents more in the planning process, and by the time we realized that, a lot of decisions had been made. The fact is, we wouldn’t be who we are without them, and we couldn’t be more grateful to them for loving and supporting us and our relationship. All we wanted was a stress-free event for them to enjoy as Guests of Honor, and we may have taken that a bit too far. But we will be leaning on them more than ever in the coming weeks, so get ready Murins and Donnells!
We are excited to be married. To BE husband and wife. And while the day of the wedding will be joyous and full of love and tears and laughter, we can’t forget that the whole point of it is to be ushered into our marriage with family, friends, well wishes, a kick ass cheese plate and tons of dancing. Centerpieces fall apart? It’s cool, more room for eating. The food isn’t as great as it should be? More room for dessert! I forgot to get a DJ? It’s cool, someone has an iPhone and Spotify.
We are in love, and we are excited to become an official part of each other’s family. And THAT is all that matters.
Therefore, I’ve decided to buck tradition and write my own damn poem. On my wedding day, I will be wearing:
A great man will be
Holding my hand.