Scene 1: My fiancee and I inside our local Bath, Kitchen & More Crap store, enveloped in a Wedding Wonderland of extremely breakable crystal wine glasses and china, sitting at a desk in front of a smiling Bath, Kitchen & More Crap employee.
Customer Service Representative: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, we would like to open a wedding registry.
CSR: Great, congratulations! When is the date?
Colin: Next month.
CSR: ………like of this year?
Me: Yes.
CSR: ……..
Scene 2: I bump into a Random Acquaintance on the street in midtown Manhattan. The subject of the wedding comes up.
Random Acquaintance on the Street: Oh my gosh, the wedding is so soon! Are you freaking out? Are you totally stressed??
Me: Um, I mean….not really.
RAotS: Seriously????
Me: I mean…..no.
RAotS: How is that possible???
Me: Um….we’re just really bad at wedding planning?
Scene 3: Talking to my fiancee less than a month out from the wedding.
Me: So, I guess we should start ordering some stuff.
Colin: Yeah, I guess. Like what?
Me: Um….I don’t know. Let’s just watch Orphan Black instead.
Colin: Okay.
Obviously, we have been slightly more than lax when it comes to planning our wedding, which is arriving very quickly. At this very moment I have about five other windows open on Safari, each on a different website that I should be ordering something from, or researching something on, or emailing someone from. And yet I’m sitting here, literally writing about all of the things I’m supposed to be doing instead of using that energy to actually do them.
Don’t get me wrong, we are absolutely ecstatic to be getting married and sharing this special day with our families and closest friends. He and I couldn’t be happier to spend the rest of our lives together, and we have never been happier in our whole lives than we are at any given moment of any given day. But in this whole process, we’ve admittedly lacked a certain “must-do” attitude, and a certain passion for the actual planning part of it.
You know why? Because in the grand scheme of things, it’s one day. It’s going to be an incredible celebration and an emotional party. But I refuse to get caught up in the details. When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter. The first time I planned a wedding, I made lists and stuck to timelines and and bought piles of books and had an account on theknot.com, and I cried more in the two weeks before my wedding than I did the whole year before that. And guess what? We got divorced less than four years later. Lesson? If you can’t find something blue for your special day, don’t sweat it. We all know you’ll just end up wearing blue underwear anyway, since there is really no other good option. (Seriously, blue garter belt? Blue earrings? Who came up with blue anyway?)
So this time around, I refuse to adhere to traditions. Anytime the words “this is what normally happens,” or “usually it goes like this” are uttered, we regroup, take a breath, and ask ourselves what it is that we really want. Lucky for me, I have a fiancee who feels the exact same way (and don’t think I don’t remind him weekly about how lucky he is that I’m the polar opposite of a Bridezilla).
Maybe this comes with age. Or experience. Or maybe I’m a little jaded after my first time through the wedding maze. Or a combination of the three. OR maybe it’s because I’ve finally found everything that I have ever wanted in a man, and in my life, and I refuse to let anything or anyone change my focus. I don’t need my wedding day to be the best day of my life, because I want every single day after that to be the best day of my life.
And we’ve made some mistakes along the way. We could have included our parents more in the planning process, and by the time we realized that, a lot of decisions had been made. The fact is, we wouldn’t be who we are without them, and we couldn’t be more grateful to them for loving and supporting us and our relationship. All we wanted was a stress-free event for them to enjoy as Guests of Honor, and we may have taken that a bit too far. But we will be leaning on them more than ever in the coming weeks, so get ready Murins and Donnells!
Photo credit: Andrew Rannells. Also, this is NOT my dress.
We are excited to be married. To BE husband and wife. And while the day of the wedding will be joyous and full of love and tears and laughter, we can’t forget that the whole point of it is to be ushered into our marriage with family, friends, well wishes, a kick ass cheese plate and tons of dancing. Centerpieces fall apart? It’s cool, more room for eating. The food isn’t as great as it should be? More room for dessert! I forgot to get a DJ? It’s cool, someone has an iPhone and Spotify.
We are in love, and we are excited to become an official part of each other’s family. And THAT is all that matters.
Therefore, I’ve decided to buck tradition and write my own damn poem. On my wedding day, I will be wearing:
Something awesome,
Something grand,
A great man will be
Holding my hand.
Photo credit: Kat Nejat and Laura Marie Duncan
Literally Patti Murin 
Oh yes, yes, yes! To all of this. We planned our wedding in half a day. It was wonderful. We have been married nearly 7 years now and we are very happy. I wish you and your husband a long and happy life together x
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Every time I read a new post I can’t help but think I really want to be like Patti when I grow up. I can still say that even though I’m almost thirty, right?
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Yes!!! We are never done growing, so we can never stop growing up. Ooh, that was a good one.
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So much more fun when you wing it – and like you said, it’s “one day” – stressing out can ruin that day, so why not have fun? And it appears that you have! I *love* that you did a take on the Bachelor – good thing he accepted that final rose! 😉
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OK, so I haven’t had enough coffee yet today… I meant *Bachelorette, because duh! You’re not the bachelor! >;o)~
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I am finally getting around to reading this entry. How appropriate I’m reading it on the day of your nuptials. So excited for you two. This is the best attitude you could have for planning your wedding and your life. I’ve worked with many couples before on their weddings and I always tell them that no matter what happens, as long as they’re married at the end of the day, the rest is just stories for the grandkids. Oh and eat the food you personally picked out and have fun. That’s all you gotta do. Congratulations and best wishes.
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Congrats on your marriage-to-be! I totally agree with you on this one. Thank god my parents made it clear when I was 18 that if I ever did get married, they’re not attending if I over-do it. But bottom-line is – there’s no need to go broke getting married when you probably need the cash to have a decent live together after.
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Hi! Just discovered your blog thanks to Colin and this is the first post I´ve read. I really loved it. Honestly,after several weddings of friends who were obsessed with the details (almost every conversation was about them, I kinda felt I was the one getting married) it´s so refreshing to see your attitude.
I think it´s a very healthy way to approach a wedding: after all, regardless of details, it will turn out to be a very happy day: do you have a person to spend the rest of your life with? Family and friends will come? That´s it, this is everything that matters. If I ever get married, I intend to enjoy the “engaged” phase and not be swallowed for the wedding preparations.
My best wishes for you and Colin. May you have a long and happy life together!
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I completely agree with you. It’s about the people and the love, not the color of the linens!
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Being from Italy I was supposed to have a traditional big wedding, but no, didn’t like the idea. My now ex-wife and me (don’t get me wrong we still have a wonderful relationship, it just turned out i was gay) we decided on a very simple wedding and we did it in 15 minutes with a justice of the peace coming to the apartment in the living room with just a few friends: planning took two weeks. Still one of the best memoories of my life! Wishing you and Colin the best you are an adorable couple!
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Congratulations to you!! I was married once before to what turned out to be my best friend, and I still cherish our marriage and what is ultimately brought me.
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What a wonderful thought this post resonates with- all that matters in this world is to love and be loved. I wish you both the happiest of marriages because THAT really is what’s going to last- two people in love, choosing each other, every single day. It’s not only about the ‘I Do’s on the wedding day, it’s about the ‘I Do’s’ every single day until forever. You two seem perfect for each other and I hope you’ll be happy forever and ever and ever.
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Thanks for reading Ankita! We plan to be happy forever 🙂
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Just make sure there is extra food. And always plan extra vegetarian meals. Cause someone not on the vegetarian list always ends up taking one and it’s not something that can be substituted. And double check on the chairs. Standing in fancy clothes can wear people down.
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It’s not my first time at the rodeo 🙂
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Great post. Great blog. I had no elaborate flowers, no garter toss, no bouquet throw, no introductions a la “Lets Get Ready to Rumble”. We had our pictures taken in the midst of the reception with our guests and I danced to Take Me Out To The Ballgame with my dad. I say whatever floats your boat. Planning something shouldn’t be a drag. Props to you two for coloring outside the lines. Have fun!
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Love that dad song choice! Congratulations to you on your special day and LIFE 🙂
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Ms. Murin,
This is the first blog post of yours I have read and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. So many brides can learn from you! To much focus is placed on the event and not the love and life together. I wish you so much happiness.
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Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy the rest of them 🙂
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We are planning a wedding for September and i feel like you read my mind. Everything will be simple and stress free (as much as walking toward my man in front of our family and friends can be!!) Half of the invites went out today because the rest is not ready…..oh well! There’s always tomorrow! Have fun tasting cakes….best part yet. Lol
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Exactly!!! And tomorrow is the whole point of marriage, right??
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First things first: I died of happiness when I saw that you went dress shopping at least once with Andrew Rannells. I mean, sinceriously Patti! How cool are you? Pretty cool, that’s how cool. Secondly: I’m so impressed that both you and Colin are taking such a lax approach to your wedding planning. I mean, it’s like you said! It’s supposed to be about every day after, not just the single day. That’s what bothers me most about those people who have lavish million dollar weddings. It seems as though they’ve put all their energy into the planning of the wedding, and not into the marriage itself.
Thirdly (and most importantly): I am so happy for you both. Considering how much joy you both bring to those around you and all of your fans, I truly hope that karma is an actual thing, and that it brings you all the joy and happiness in the entire universe, because you both deserve it! So congratulations of your special day, on your special man, and on your special puppy (because, honestly, how cute is Milo? Pretty darn cute, that’s how!) Much love to you both, and much happiness!
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Thanks Nikki! I am extremely lucky to have such wonderful men in my life, I know!
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I love that you went back to the Delacorte!
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Hey, you two are a great example for others, as far as I’m concerned!! While I love a wedding, I am also a big fan of eloping (and have tried to convince more than one person they should go that route!) You’re right that it’s just one day. It’s not even that…it is a few hours. And to think what I could have done with the 28 grand I spent on mine. ☺You two seem to have a great perspective on this thing and I know I speak for many when I wish you all the best and years of happiness!
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I live in Utah, where the most common marriages are those of people who are LDS. They get married in the temple, so there’s no wedding to plan, just a reception. Which, normally, simply consists of a receiving line in the “social hall” (gym…) of a church, with cake and punch (sadly, no alcohol). They cut the cake, most don’t do a garter, and that’s it.
Because this is the culture I’m used to, I’ve always been blown away by couples who plan large, elaborate weddings. Sure, some people LIKE to have 1,000+ people see them commit their lives to someone else. Some people WANT enough flowers to populate 3 botanical gardens. Some brides ENJOY wearing a gown with a train long enough to span the equator, which probably cost enough money to feed a family of 4 for an entire decade.
But, some people DON’T want that. And, in my experience, most of the people who DO want that, don’t necessarily want it for the right reasons. They want it because they want to out-do someone else’s wedding. Or because someone else WANTS them to have it (parents, friends, etc.). Or, because the bride just wants everyone to focus 100% of their attention on her and think “wow, her parents must be LOADED.”
So, bottom line, the wedding is about YOU. You and Colin. And, if you guys want a low key wedding that didn’t involve a ton of planning and over stressing, that’s what you should have. That is, as long as you post pictures of yourself in your gown for your super awesome fans to see…..
Good luck!!
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That’s an excellent point! Some cultural groups and religions have managed to hang on to the actual tradition aspect of it, which is really impressive in this day and age. And YES, tons of pictures will be posted I’m sure!
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You have managed to keep all the good things about getting married in, taking all the terrible things out. Anyone who thinks that is anything BUT perfect is nuts. Have a wonderful day and I know you will and seriously I hope the last photo was what was used for the engagement picture because … I mean C’MON ❤
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Thank you!!! Our official engagement photos should be out soon 🙂
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