It’s here, it’s here! The premiere of Dick Wolf’s latest installment in the “Chicago” series, “Chicago Med,” debuts tonight! It follows “Chicago Fire” and “Chicago PD” to further develop the world of the men and women who work to protect, heal and serve the people of the city of Washington, DC. Just kidding, they’re in Chicago. (Note to self: Find a whole lot of ways to say “Chicago” without using the word “Chicago.”)

I tried to write a recap of this episode, but I found that I just couldn’t. I love recapping The Bachelor franchise, but I just couldn’t figure out how to voice this one. So I’ve decided to leave it to the professionals and instead create….T(S)OCMPEDG: The (Semi) Official “Chicago Med” Premiere Episode Drinking Game! So pick your poison: beer, wine, hard liquor, apple juice, seltzer, tune in to NBC at 9PM EST (8 PM CST), and be sure to follow me and tweet me as the night progresses! @PattiMurin

FULL DISCLOSURE: The man playing Dr. Connor Rhodes is my husband. I am married to him and I love him. Hopefully you are able to refrain from vomiting as you read this., although if you do vomit I take absolutely no responsibility and you probably should have cut yourself off at the first incision. Also, how cute is my husband???

Here we go!!!

Take a sip every time:

1. You literally want to squish Oliver Platt’s face and soul with your own heart.

2. Someone uses a string of medical terms that leaves your jaw on the floor in amazement.

3. A character from one of the other two Chicago shows makes an appearance.

4. You get lost deep in the endless pool of blue eyes that belong to Dr. Connor Rhodes (Im shwaaaaaaasted!!!!jkahwi).

5. Someone you are watching the show with has a very strong and loud vocal opinion about the ethical/moral storyline this week and you need them to be quiet cause you can’t hear the TV.

6. You see ER Nurse April Sexton smize and you unconsciously melt a little.

7. You get a little turned on by the underlying tension between hot male doctors.

8. You can’t decide who would make a more fun best friend, sassy charge nurse Maggie or curmudgeonly neurosurgeon Dr. Abrams.

9. Sarah Reese reminds you of your first days in a scary new situation and you try to hand her a vodka shot through the TV.

10. You find yourself making up stupid “ship” names for the new characters, like “Manstead” and “Sexodes.” Bonus points if you tweet me some of your own creation!

11. You say to someone, “I always liked redheads, and now I DEFINITELY like them!” even though you’ve never really liked redheads until Dr. Halstead came along.

12. You are in awe and also a little terrified of an excellent child actor.

13. You want S. Epatha Merkerson’s Sharon Goodwin to be your sister, godmother, aunt, cousin, BFF, anything so that you can feel comfortable asking her for advice about boys and college and jobs and stuff.

14. Your eyes well up, and you can’t even blame the alcohol you’re imbibing right now. Actually, take like 2 sips for that. I mean, I dare you not to accidentally chug your drink in its entirety.

15. You catch the super sly Brian Tee (who plays Dr. Ethan Choi) reference in the episode. (Hint: pay attention to Dr. Charles.)

16. You decide that you’re only traveling on cruise ships for the rest of your life before realizing that those aren’t safe anymore either.

17. If you’re a doctor and you think, “Hey, my scrubs don’t fit as well as theirs…”

18. Dr. Nat Manning gives you hot pregnant mom goals, holy crap that girl can ACT goals, and squad goals.

And just down the whole thing when:

The episode ends and you realize you have to wait a whole week for a new one BUT OH WAIT CHICAGO FIRE IS ON NEXT THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!

Thanks for playing, and I hope that you’ll tune in next week for more “Chicago Med” fun! Now go eat a bagel, drink 14 glasses of water, and pop an Advil. You have to work tomorrow.