Friends, followers, family members, Internet weirdos. 2015 is rapidly winding to a close, and the only things left on my To Do List are to go on my honeymoon, call the dentist, and write this blog, my last of the year. 2015 has been rather excellent. I got married to someone who actually makes me believe in soulmates, not in that romance-novel-gazing-into-each-other’s-eyes-laughing-softly way, but in the oh-man-we-are-the-exact-same-kind-of-weird-way. We adopted a second dog (hopefully this is not an annual tradition). Audra McDonald followed me on Twitter. Literally all of my best friends had babies.

Looking back on this epic year, I have decided that I want to do something to ensure that 2016 is just as celebratory, special and memorable. So I’m going to assign myself a PROJECT.

Me at the height of my elementary school project days. Probably not at the height of my popularity.

I was always good at projects as a kid. Maybe I procrastinated a bunch, but it was because I knew I could get it done at the last minute and have glorious results. Maybe this makes me sound like an asshole child, but this was before I figured out what an ego was, so this self-assuredness was entirely innocent. And true. But the days of dioramas and living book reports are long over (like, looooooong over), so I’m publicly challenging myself to this new project so as to make myself accountable for it. And to invoke severe fear of public humiliation in myself if I don’t complete it. What is this project, you ask? Well, let me tell you…

You know how EVERY SINGLE DAY on Twitter or Facebook, there is some random food or animal or person or ridiculous event to celebrate? Like, so many that you ask yourself, “Dude, does EVERY SINGLE FOOD have its own holiday? Do I need to celebrate EVERYTHING???”

Well, in 2016, my answer to this question is…YES.

I, Patricia Marie Elizabeth Murin (Donnell in spirit and love) am going to attempt to celebrate and observe as many National Days of Whatever as I can. Every single day, I will recognize whatever bizarre thing some random person has decided needs a holiday. I will follow the Twitter hashtags. I will eat the things. I will probably bake more. I will stare at my laptop/iPad/iPhone/iContactLenses with disbelief. And then I will shrug and say, “Let’s celebrate.”

Me staring at my desktop in utter disbelief.

You may be asking, “WHY would you do this? A year is a long time, and as there are many foods celebrated throughout the course of twelve months, you might gain 400 pounds!”

I’m not going to gain 400 pounds. Maybe like 15, but I gained 22 my freshman year of college and lived to tell the tale, so who cares? I’m doing this because right now the world, and more locally, the United States, is in a bit of a dire state of political insanity, assault rifles, and just a general unrest that will hopefully result in major change in the right direction and not World War III. And the best thing I can do right now for society is to celebrate the little things, and share my celebrations with as many other people as possible. Like the Ice Cream Sandwich (August 2nd) that reminds us of the lunch line in middle school.  Or the Zoo (April 8th), where so many generations of our families have memories. Or the Yellow Pig (July 17th), which I have absolutely no clue about, but I will challenge myself to learn. I will celebrate every day in 2016. Some days, I will celebrate many, many things. Some days, so much celebration will make me angry and tired. But I would rather be angry because I’m celebrating than angry because I’m bored.

To protect myself and my fragile ego and the general lack of follow through I tend to exhibit, I’m setting up some preliminary ground rules (that will most likely change as the year goes on). So far, they are:

1. If I don’t believe in it, I will not celebrate it. I will ignore it entirely. Completely Fake Examples: National Make Fun of Your Mom Day. National Kick A Dog Day. National Only Drink Raw Juice Day. I will not celebrate these fake holidays, or any real ones that I don’t agree with on personal principle.
2. It seems like every day a different food is acknowledged. Unfortunately, I have actual life threatening allergies to many of these foods (see previous blog post: https://wordpress.com/read/post/feed/25363033/857096106), so if anything that is being celebrated could also cause my death, I will slightly aggressively bow out.
3. There are roughly 80 billion National Days of Whatever, so to keep it real, I referenced three seemingly comprehensive and randomly chosen websites. If a National Day was acknowledged on two out of the three websites (on the same calendar day for 2016), I put it on my list. If not, I ignored it. You’ll see when we get to May that this step was imperative. I’m one human with actual real jobs coming up. I need a strategy.
4. I reserve the right to change the rules at any given time.
5. I reserve the right to interpret each holiday any way I want, though I will try my best to be true to the original meaning of the day.
6. Feel free to join me in celebrating any day you would like! The more, the merrier. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram if you don’t already (@PattiMurin), and if you don’t already, what the hell were you waiting for??  I will be using the hashtag #PartywithPatti for the whole year, even if I’m the only one. FYI, I just threw up inside my stomach a little bit. It was such a deep disgust with myself that it didn’t even get all the way up to my mouth.
7. If there are days when I can not complete a task, I reserve the right to assign said task to a friend, husband, family member, dog, random Twitter follower who has better access to a Leg of Lamb (May 7th) than I do, etc. I will, however, do my absolute best to complete everything myself.
8. I am not getting paid for this. I am not being sponsored. I’m also just an idiot girl, standing in front of an Internet, asking them to love her.

You guys are amazing just for reading this. Let’s make 2016 a year of celebration and appreciation, and remember how much we love other human beings and animals and plants and food and bizarre customs. And most importantly, let’s count down the minutes to National Wine Day (May 25th, or let’s be honest, every day). GAME ON!