What I Did For Love

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1374291_724263284266109_1603825607_nSo I openly and loudly consider myself one of the luckiest women alive, because somehow I managed to find one of those incredibly rare and unique men who is kind, loving, loyal, intelligent, funny, laid back, and who puts up with me willingly and happily. Oh, and he’s hot. Like REAL hot. Good work, Murin.

Fear not, this whole blog is not going to be a sickeningly delirious post about how much I love my fiancee and how lucky I am to have found him and blah blah blah chick lit novel I can’t believe he’s mine what did I do to deserve this. No, I deserve him. Oh, I freaking deserve him. Because when I look back on everything I went through to get him? I can’t believe I lasted this long without becoming a nun or a cat lady, or worst of all, a contestant on The Bachelor.

So for a moment, let’s travel back in time to my younger (stupider), more innocent (stupider) days, where I was willing to give 98% of men a chance to be my Prince Charming, and I believed that every time a guy slept with me, he obviously must love me and would never be able to live without me. Yes, I did all of the standard insane things one does when their adrenaline and emotions and libido are all racing to an unforeseen finish line. I called too much, texted too much, stalked MySpace (yup, I said it), and IMed with my friends late into the night, cutting and pasting every IM chat I’d had with him, analyzing all the different things “gotta go now bye” could possibly mean.

When I was in college, I wore the same kind of deodorant that my crush wore because I wanted to smell him all day. It was Old Spice. What I smelled like for love.

Also in college, I was SO determined to make an ex-boyfriend jealous that I somehow finagled myself a solo in a presentation for the whole theatre department which involved performing a striptease down to my underwear and seducing a guy. (Fun trivia, it was Mark Fisher of Mark Fisher Fitness! And for you musical theatre nerds out there, it was “Some Other Life” from Hello Again.) And as Mark Fisher had not yet invented his stellar Snatched workout program, I was not snatched in any way and had somehow gained 22 pounds my freshman year. What I did for love. Or revenge?

There was yet another college boy who I was sure was the love of my life. One summer night while we were both home with our parents, we each drove halfway towards each other and met at midnight on the Palisades Parkway, just to say hello. Actually, that one is kind of awesome. Except that he happened to be my boyfriend’s best friend. #whatididforlove #oops

One night, while I was out of town doing a show, I had a one night stand with someone I was working with. I knew he was leaving the next day, so when it came time to go back to my hotel room, I purposely left my bra in HIS hotel room so I could go back the next day and see him one more time before he left. When I knocked on the door, he told me he had already packed his suitcases and he didn’t find a bra anywhere. I mean, dude, I know it was there. He still owes me a bra. What I lost for “love.”

When I was 24, I somehow convinced myself that the guy I was meant to be with was a 20 year old who illegally owned a gun, grew weed in his closet, and kept all of his cash in his underwear drawer because he didn’t have a bank account. But he was sooooo sweet. What I could have gotten arrested for for love.

Within one year, I flew to three different states to visit three different guys and then never saw them again. What I paid for love.

I moved to Long Island to live with a guy I had only been dating for 5 months, and started working as a nanny. I was away from my wonderful apartment that I shared with my best friend in the world, away from my favorite city in the world, and away from where all of the auditions were held on a daily basis. Which meant I gave up a little corner of my own dream of being on Broadway, because it was just easier to stay home and cook him dinner. And for the first time in my life, I actually had to think about my answer when he asked me, “So how long are you going to do this acting thing for?” What I sacrificed for love.

I got married and divorced. What I really truly believed in for love.

And the worst offense of all? I, Patricia Marie Elizabeth Murin, lifelong New York Giants fan, rooted for goddamn New England Patriots. What I am still ashamed of for love.

For all of you singles out there, it took me way longer than I hope it takes you to learn what it means to really know yourself, and to respect yourself when it comes to dating and mating and love. Because if someone really loves you? They won’t care if you own a sweatshirt with the logo of their crappy football team on it. And if you really, truly love someone? You’ll never even consider buying one.335098_374674802558294_1896347909_o

365 thoughts on “What I Did For Love”

  5. I loved the comedy in your writing and had a good laugh throughout parts of this post. You told your story in such an engaging way – I was hooked right from the start! I think I read this at just about the right time in my life 🙂 Thanks for sharing this with us!

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  8. It amazes me what we do for love everyday. I totally understand what you went threw. :/ I think we search for love and we sometimes take what we can get just to be loved. Then it back fires. We try to find love in the wrong places, then wonder why we cant find love…

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  11. Rooted for the Patriots for a guy? That’s just going too far, lol! I loved your writing, honest and insightful. We’ve all done our share of awful things in the name of love. I am glad you found a keeper after all that, and more importantly, discovered yourself!

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  19. Ahh the crazy things we do for love, I enjoyed your honesty and it reminded me of some of the crazy thing I did before meeting my husband all in the name of love.

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  21. If women need love advice this post should serve as that. I love your raw honesty, what you’ve been through and all that you did to try to find the one you love. I’m happy I’ve found mine without all the trouble that you had to go through, and I’m happy to be with someone who always supports me and helps me be a better person. I’m happy you finally found the love of your life after all of the sifting through the bad.

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  22. This was a great read. I met my amazing husband in tenth grade. We just celebrated four years married. I could not have asked for anyone better. My husband sounds just like your fiance. It’s great to hear you finally found your Prince Charming. 🙂

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  23. Yeah, I did a lot of crazy stuff for love too! Had one failed marriage but eventually found the love of my life and we’ve been together 15 years. We always joke we’re soul mates because no one else would put up with our shenanigans. 😉

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  24. Love, love this story Patricia! Everything always works out for our good. Every guy you’ve dated taught you invaluable lessons along the way, it was all to prepare you for your current boyfriend! God bless and keep your relationship!

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  26. But think about it…had you not gone through all those guys and trying moments, you might not have been exactly where you were (spiritually & literally) when you finally met that love of your life. Great read though; thanks for sharing.

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  28. You’re a wonderful writer and I thoroughly enjoyed the post. Congrats on being “freshly pressed”. My one piece – I’m a Giants AND a Pats fan. (From NJ, live in NE) It’s not completely shameful, I promise. HOWEVER before you get rilled up – I am NOT a RS fan. NY all the way there. Best of luck to you and your love of your life. Hope you’ll stop by my blog one day as I also saw the appreciation of all that brought you to where you are now. – TAF

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  29. Great post! It caught my attention because of the title. Your guy is very lucky to have you. I love to listen more to your story. Like you I was like that too, I gave men my 98%, I’m also a professional stalker, and I studied sexy dance for guys too. I’ve learned my lesson, but maybe you can teach me more. It’s nice to meet you. 😉

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  31. I could have written this! The anecdotal references would have been different, but the sentiment is absolutely, exactly the same. I have always sacrificed what I really want for love. We have been together now for almost 17 years (married for 13) and I STILL DO. I think many women of my generation do (I’ll be 50 this year). We’re conditioned to, it’s expected of us and so we do.

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  32. A great read. We all do dumb things at times, in the name of love. I bought a guy 4 new tyres for his car – why? He reckoned he couldn’t afford them for his warrant … then he drove off into the sunset. Yet, I think of the words of a song of Rod Stewarts, “Give it all you’ve got, no holding on … Ain’t it better to lose in love, than to never love at all …”

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  34. I’d love to fast-forward 10 years and read THAT post. Gotta say: your radar has not been reliable, so I’d recommend that you give this finance a deep-cover, thorough investigation and do months of intensive therapy before getting married again. You might be so desperate for SOME man to “work out for you” that you are, once again, not seeing very clearly.

    OR, you could indeed be lucky and better at choosing.

    I truly hope it is the latter.

    Keep my email address and if we’re both alive in 10 years (I’m already 60, so not so sure) and email still works, send me a note! sallyember AT yahoo DOT com

    Best to you, Patricia!

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  43. This is hilarious!

    We have our fair share of what love is and how we make ourselves believe that this is REALLY REALLY REALLY THE ONE FOR ME. And then the whole thing just collapsed. Opps!

    I was really laughing out loud while reading your post! Love this one!

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  44. This is awesome. I felt identifu with a lot of parts. Specially with the -leaving your things in the guys room just so you can go back for it and see him again- And even though I made a lot of “mistakes” or crazy things love doing them and I do love that I still believe in love!

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  47. Wow I just happened upon your blog tonight after writing one of my own that was so totally opposite. I never felt love like that. My whole idea as a teen and young adult was that sex was just sex and I would sleep with whoever I wanted to just because it made me or them happy. Had nothing to do with love. I never believed love would come from sex. I wonder if my life would have felt more fulfilled if I had felt that way.. You got me thinking now.. 🙂 Thanks for the boost in my thoughts tonight, I needed this..

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