What I Did For Love

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1374291_724263284266109_1603825607_nSo I openly and loudly consider myself one of the luckiest women alive, because somehow I managed to find one of those incredibly rare and unique men who is kind, loving, loyal, intelligent, funny, laid back, and who puts up with me willingly and happily. Oh, and he’s hot. Like REAL hot. Good work, Murin.

Fear not, this whole blog is not going to be a sickeningly delirious post about how much I love my fiancee and how lucky I am to have found him and blah blah blah chick lit novel I can’t believe he’s mine what did I do to deserve this. No, I deserve him. Oh, I freaking deserve him. Because when I look back on everything I went through to get him? I can’t believe I lasted this long without becoming a nun or a cat lady, or worst of all, a contestant on The Bachelor.

So for a moment, let’s travel back in time to my younger (stupider), more innocent (stupider) days, where I was willing to give 98% of men a chance to be my Prince Charming, and I believed that every time a guy slept with me, he obviously must love me and would never be able to live without me. Yes, I did all of the standard insane things one does when their adrenaline and emotions and libido are all racing to an unforeseen finish line. I called too much, texted too much, stalked MySpace (yup, I said it), and IMed with my friends late into the night, cutting and pasting every IM chat I’d had with him, analyzing all the different things “gotta go now bye” could possibly mean.

When I was in college, I wore the same kind of deodorant that my crush wore because I wanted to smell him all day. It was Old Spice. What I smelled like for love.

Also in college, I was SO determined to make an ex-boyfriend jealous that I somehow finagled myself a solo in a presentation for the whole theatre department which involved performing a striptease down to my underwear and seducing a guy. (Fun trivia, it was Mark Fisher of Mark Fisher Fitness! And for you musical theatre nerds out there, it was “Some Other Life” from Hello Again.) And as Mark Fisher had not yet invented his stellar Snatched workout program, I was not snatched in any way and had somehow gained 22 pounds my freshman year. What I did for love. Or revenge?

There was yet another college boy who I was sure was the love of my life. One summer night while we were both home with our parents, we each drove halfway towards each other and met at midnight on the Palisades Parkway, just to say hello. Actually, that one is kind of awesome. Except that he happened to be my boyfriend’s best friend. #whatididforlove #oops

One night, while I was out of town doing a show, I had a one night stand with someone I was working with. I knew he was leaving the next day, so when it came time to go back to my hotel room, I purposely left my bra in HIS hotel room so I could go back the next day and see him one more time before he left. When I knocked on the door, he told me he had already packed his suitcases and he didn’t find a bra anywhere. I mean, dude, I know it was there. He still owes me a bra. What I lost for “love.”

When I was 24, I somehow convinced myself that the guy I was meant to be with was a 20 year old who illegally owned a gun, grew weed in his closet, and kept all of his cash in his underwear drawer because he didn’t have a bank account. But he was sooooo sweet. What I could have gotten arrested for for love.

Within one year, I flew to three different states to visit three different guys and then never saw them again. What I paid for love.

I moved to Long Island to live with a guy I had only been dating for 5 months, and started working as a nanny. I was away from my wonderful apartment that I shared with my best friend in the world, away from my favorite city in the world, and away from where all of the auditions were held on a daily basis. Which meant I gave up a little corner of my own dream of being on Broadway, because it was just easier to stay home and cook him dinner. And for the first time in my life, I actually had to think about my answer when he asked me, “So how long are you going to do this acting thing for?” What I sacrificed for love.

I got married and divorced. What I really truly believed in for love.

And the worst offense of all? I, Patricia Marie Elizabeth Murin, lifelong New York Giants fan, rooted for goddamn New England Patriots. What I am still ashamed of for love.

For all of you singles out there, it took me way longer than I hope it takes you to learn what it means to really know yourself, and to respect yourself when it comes to dating and mating and love. Because if someone really loves you? They won’t care if you own a sweatshirt with the logo of their crappy football team on it. And if you really, truly love someone? You’ll never even consider buying one.335098_374674802558294_1896347909_o

365 thoughts on “What I Did For Love”

  6. Sometimes it feels like we women never will manage to find mr right, and that having to learn and try and doing all kinds of types of love, proves how hopeless we are. But really, doesn’t it just prove that we are capable of perseverance ? That we truly put our hearts out there, that we dare to fall even when it hurts ? We should be proud, and when it ends like it did in your life, we have the silver lining to motivate us to not give up!

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  7. Pingback: What I Did For Love | positivepsychologycenter

  13. I know it sounds way too mushy coming from an eighteen year old, after a terrible breakup, this is rehab right here. I believe in single life, partly because I convinced myself that I’d rather be compatible to a slice of pizza than a guy but also partly because I know that I will probably never have time to embrace it truely. I am more of a vagabond per say. I plan to travel all throughout my life. But if love’s gotta be then love’s gotta be. Anyway, great post. One love. Peace out.

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  20. Nice, Very nice actually. Interesting read, simple and smartly written. How about pasting a photo of the ‘Hot Hunk’ too? That would complete this scenario! M happy for you. Truly, very few people are blessed the way you are. Do tell me how you intend to return the favor to nature/God/Society, if at all! Write more Murin. I am sure you are interesting to know. Take care and B Safe. Always. …. Raju

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  24. The most prominent lesson to be gleaned from your most honest reflections is that you did not settle for less than that which you sought. I was in a less than satisfactory relationship with someone for 7 years. I’d assumed that even though this is not what I want, this is probably the best I’ll get. Had I not realised my days on this earth are filled with mediocrity, are steadily running out and are a waste not only of my time, but hers aswell (she deserves to be with someone who does worship her, not someone who is idly going through the trite relationship movements).
    Eight years after our breakup we are both married to our respective soul matches. Had I not decided to sever the ropes we bound to each other i would not have found that person to whom I am so electrostatically attracted to.
    So many people settle for mediocrity, marry and have children with those they think are the best they can do, instead of relentlessly perusing those they deserve. Your post has reminded me of how fortunate I was to have decided to leave a mediocre relationship behind, for both our sakes.
    Thank you

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  25. great piece, had me cracking up at the end with the Giants and Patriots reference, as a life long Cowboys fan i don’t think i would ever root for another team for love

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  37. I love your spirit Patti. I envision all your exploits (especially the Palisades Pkwy rendezvous) playing amid the old classic song “What I did for love…” A great music video! I was opposite in my actions toward men and never put myself out there. Though one clever caper comes to mind. I had a crush on a guy that I ran into occasionally while living in the city and one day told him about a small party I was having and how I would be sending him an invitation. When the party date approached I suddenly had second thoughts as I had just begun dating someone new so never sent him the invitation. Fast forward three months. The party was a success, but the new guy was history and I couldn’t stop thinking about the old. I was close friends with our mailroom clerk Bill, a sweet man in his mid eighties who I chatted with daily. One morning I shared the story with him and my regret at having never mailed the invite. I asked him if there was any way… He smiled, told me to bring in the invite the next day and he could help. I did as he asked and not 3 days later my crush called me saying “I just received your party invite but it is the weirdest thing! It was post marked three months ago. I guess it got lost in the mail…” He then invited me out. I guess Bill in the mailroom was a romantic at heart. Congrats on your engagement!

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  40. Well done! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote and I know that you do deserve the fellow you have now. It makes me feel better for my younger family members who still hope to find someone, and I wish them all happy endings with great guys! My own experience is different, in that I became single again at around 49 yrs of age and am now 58. I no longer seek someone to grow old with and that’s truly okay. The past 9 years have shown me that what’s left out there by this age, is other gals’ leftovers and I no longer settle. That may seem harsh, but there are many reasons why the few men in their 50s who are still available…are still available. Once I stopped looking for a man, a more emotionally peaceful life, full of amazing female friends and dreams for the future, has taken its place. Not everyone ends up with a man, and we can make that a great ending, too!

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  47. This is really great. As women, we shouldn’t be ashamed of dating ‘a lot’ to find the right one. Or ashamed of the path that leads us to the right one !! Awesome post. Also — go Giants.

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  50. *hands down*. What an awesome piece! I love your honesty 😉 It still amazes me how people do crazy things for love. Even if we sometimes look so foolish or stupid, the hell we don’t care about what other people say in the name of love. Hey! Isn’t everything we do in life, a way to be loved a little more? 🙂 I thought i’m the only one who did crazy things for love until I read this post of yours. Thanks for sharing it with us. Love it!

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