What I Did For Love

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1374291_724263284266109_1603825607_nSo I openly and loudly consider myself one of the luckiest women alive, because somehow I managed to find one of those incredibly rare and unique men who is kind, loving, loyal, intelligent, funny, laid back, and who puts up with me willingly and happily. Oh, and he’s hot. Like REAL hot. Good work, Murin.

Fear not, this whole blog is not going to be a sickeningly delirious post about how much I love my fiancee and how lucky I am to have found him and blah blah blah chick lit novel I can’t believe he’s mine what did I do to deserve this. No, I deserve him. Oh, I freaking deserve him. Because when I look back on everything I went through to get him? I can’t believe I lasted this long without becoming a nun or a cat lady, or worst of all, a contestant on The Bachelor.

So for a moment, let’s travel back in time to my younger (stupider), more innocent (stupider) days, where I was willing to give 98% of men a chance to be my Prince Charming, and I believed that every time a guy slept with me, he obviously must love me and would never be able to live without me. Yes, I did all of the standard insane things one does when their adrenaline and emotions and libido are all racing to an unforeseen finish line. I called too much, texted too much, stalked MySpace (yup, I said it), and IMed with my friends late into the night, cutting and pasting every IM chat I’d had with him, analyzing all the different things “gotta go now bye” could possibly mean.

When I was in college, I wore the same kind of deodorant that my crush wore because I wanted to smell him all day. It was Old Spice. What I smelled like for love.

Also in college, I was SO determined to make an ex-boyfriend jealous that I somehow finagled myself a solo in a presentation for the whole theatre department which involved performing a striptease down to my underwear and seducing a guy. (Fun trivia, it was Mark Fisher of Mark Fisher Fitness! And for you musical theatre nerds out there, it was “Some Other Life” from Hello Again.) And as Mark Fisher had not yet invented his stellar Snatched workout program, I was not snatched in any way and had somehow gained 22 pounds my freshman year. What I did for love. Or revenge?

There was yet another college boy who I was sure was the love of my life. One summer night while we were both home with our parents, we each drove halfway towards each other and met at midnight on the Palisades Parkway, just to say hello. Actually, that one is kind of awesome. Except that he happened to be my boyfriend’s best friend. #whatididforlove #oops

One night, while I was out of town doing a show, I had a one night stand with someone I was working with. I knew he was leaving the next day, so when it came time to go back to my hotel room, I purposely left my bra in HIS hotel room so I could go back the next day and see him one more time before he left. When I knocked on the door, he told me he had already packed his suitcases and he didn’t find a bra anywhere. I mean, dude, I know it was there. He still owes me a bra. What I lost for “love.”

When I was 24, I somehow convinced myself that the guy I was meant to be with was a 20 year old who illegally owned a gun, grew weed in his closet, and kept all of his cash in his underwear drawer because he didn’t have a bank account. But he was sooooo sweet. What I could have gotten arrested for for love.

Within one year, I flew to three different states to visit three different guys and then never saw them again. What I paid for love.

I moved to Long Island to live with a guy I had only been dating for 5 months, and started working as a nanny. I was away from my wonderful apartment that I shared with my best friend in the world, away from my favorite city in the world, and away from where all of the auditions were held on a daily basis. Which meant I gave up a little corner of my own dream of being on Broadway, because it was just easier to stay home and cook him dinner. And for the first time in my life, I actually had to think about my answer when he asked me, “So how long are you going to do this acting thing for?” What I sacrificed for love.

I got married and divorced. What I really truly believed in for love.

And the worst offense of all? I, Patricia Marie Elizabeth Murin, lifelong New York Giants fan, rooted for goddamn New England Patriots. What I am still ashamed of for love.

For all of you singles out there, it took me way longer than I hope it takes you to learn what it means to really know yourself, and to respect yourself when it comes to dating and mating and love. Because if someone really loves you? They won’t care if you own a sweatshirt with the logo of their crappy football team on it. And if you really, truly love someone? You’ll never even consider buying one.335098_374674802558294_1896347909_o

365 thoughts on “What I Did For Love”

  6. What an amazingly honest piece! You know what they say right, all is fair in love and war. I have repressed the majority of my youthful liaisons deep deep deep down in the recesses of my mind…. it’s the only way to sleep at night!

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  8. Amazing post! thank you so much, Patti! So encouraging! The post takes me back to my memories… I did so many crazy things for love and I keep doing. The craziest thing I’ve done is flying abroad to see a guy whom I met a month ago and fell in love with him at first sight. And Im 25 😀 I guess we ll never meet again in spite Im still kind of “in love” with him.
    Thank you for great post!

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  24. Im sure most of us can relate to some of the escapades in your story & a nice story it is too. I’m 48 now everyone thinks I’m 30 something ( I’ll take that ) single never married & no kids ! Am I a weirdo ? Nope I have loved but timing was wrong so I got on with my career which has taken me all over the world. 8 years have passed me by living on an island bubble in Asia living the dream life while working but no special guy . Nowadays I know myself so well I dont need to try so hard infact the less hard I try the harder men chase so thats cool . The one that works hardest just might be a keeper like your fiance . Just hope mine is hot too 🙂

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  27. I love how you wrote this! Forget what you won’t do for love. All of the crazy things I did for love, in the name of love. So I’m not so crazy in thinking that yes! I deserve the man I’m with now. Truly earned it.

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  28. This post is funny, sincere, honest, and hopeful all at the same time. I have done half of those things, and as a 24 year old single woman, it gives me hope that one day I wont have to be the “stupid” one hoping anymore.

    Thank

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  35. Sometimes you have to go the storm to no that you deserve the sunshine. Go ahead and gloat girl Love is a beautiful experience. Nice

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  36. Love this…pretty sure we can all relate I mean really what in the world have not been done in the name of love? Hopefully you can take a look at our blog and like 😘

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  46. I love this post because i too share that emotion of earned love with my second husband, and you are right you do deserve it. congrats on ingagement. every day I’m in disbelief and…it never gets old. you go girl!

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