What I Did For Love

Posted by

365

1374291_724263284266109_1603825607_nSo I openly and loudly consider myself one of the luckiest women alive, because somehow I managed to find one of those incredibly rare and unique men who is kind, loving, loyal, intelligent, funny, laid back, and who puts up with me willingly and happily. Oh, and he’s hot. Like REAL hot. Good work, Murin.

Fear not, this whole blog is not going to be a sickeningly delirious post about how much I love my fiancee and how lucky I am to have found him and blah blah blah chick lit novel I can’t believe he’s mine what did I do to deserve this. No, I deserve him. Oh, I freaking deserve him. Because when I look back on everything I went through to get him? I can’t believe I lasted this long without becoming a nun or a cat lady, or worst of all, a contestant on The Bachelor.

So for a moment, let’s travel back in time to my younger (stupider), more innocent (stupider) days, where I was willing to give 98% of men a chance to be my Prince Charming, and I believed that every time a guy slept with me, he obviously must love me and would never be able to live without me. Yes, I did all of the standard insane things one does when their adrenaline and emotions and libido are all racing to an unforeseen finish line. I called too much, texted too much, stalked MySpace (yup, I said it), and IMed with my friends late into the night, cutting and pasting every IM chat I’d had with him, analyzing all the different things “gotta go now bye” could possibly mean.

When I was in college, I wore the same kind of deodorant that my crush wore because I wanted to smell him all day. It was Old Spice. What I smelled like for love.

Also in college, I was SO determined to make an ex-boyfriend jealous that I somehow finagled myself a solo in a presentation for the whole theatre department which involved performing a striptease down to my underwear and seducing a guy. (Fun trivia, it was Mark Fisher of Mark Fisher Fitness! And for you musical theatre nerds out there, it was “Some Other Life” from Hello Again.) And as Mark Fisher had not yet invented his stellar Snatched workout program, I was not snatched in any way and had somehow gained 22 pounds my freshman year. What I did for love. Or revenge?

There was yet another college boy who I was sure was the love of my life. One summer night while we were both home with our parents, we each drove halfway towards each other and met at midnight on the Palisades Parkway, just to say hello. Actually, that one is kind of awesome. Except that he happened to be my boyfriend’s best friend. #whatididforlove #oops

One night, while I was out of town doing a show, I had a one night stand with someone I was working with. I knew he was leaving the next day, so when it came time to go back to my hotel room, I purposely left my bra in HIS hotel room so I could go back the next day and see him one more time before he left. When I knocked on the door, he told me he had already packed his suitcases and he didn’t find a bra anywhere. I mean, dude, I know it was there. He still owes me a bra. What I lost for “love.”

When I was 24, I somehow convinced myself that the guy I was meant to be with was a 20 year old who illegally owned a gun, grew weed in his closet, and kept all of his cash in his underwear drawer because he didn’t have a bank account. But he was sooooo sweet. What I could have gotten arrested for for love.

Within one year, I flew to three different states to visit three different guys and then never saw them again. What I paid for love.

I moved to Long Island to live with a guy I had only been dating for 5 months, and started working as a nanny. I was away from my wonderful apartment that I shared with my best friend in the world, away from my favorite city in the world, and away from where all of the auditions were held on a daily basis. Which meant I gave up a little corner of my own dream of being on Broadway, because it was just easier to stay home and cook him dinner. And for the first time in my life, I actually had to think about my answer when he asked me, “So how long are you going to do this acting thing for?” What I sacrificed for love.

I got married and divorced. What I really truly believed in for love.

And the worst offense of all? I, Patricia Marie Elizabeth Murin, lifelong New York Giants fan, rooted for goddamn New England Patriots. What I am still ashamed of for love.

For all of you singles out there, it took me way longer than I hope it takes you to learn what it means to really know yourself, and to respect yourself when it comes to dating and mating and love. Because if someone really loves you? They won’t care if you own a sweatshirt with the logo of their crappy football team on it. And if you really, truly love someone? You’ll never even consider buying one.335098_374674802558294_1896347909_o

365 thoughts on “What I Did For Love”

  3. Thanks a lot for sharing this part of you. I have never been good at displeasing myself to please others. Yet I have given my time, talent and heart to make it work. None of them worked but I now know that I need to be me in order for the prince charming to find and appreciate me.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  6. You have a great sense of humor and I enjoyed reading your post. You have a great blog!

    I’m a newbie here.. I hope you’ll come check out my site and let me know what you think.

    Thanks for sharing your awesome story!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  11. I completely enjoyed this post. It’s nice to know there’s still some hope. Regardless of what people say, I feel like I’m going to end up alone. This, however, gives me a new perspective,, so thank you!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  13. I think this is honest, intriguing and very great piece. Many would conceal their adventure but its really amazing the things we do for love. Kudos

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  16. What could have been an ” I finally found my special someone story ” with loads of complaining and sobbing about the past ( which is quite painful I must say) has in fact been presented with utmost practicality ,humour and simplicity. Your transparent and non complicated style of writing made it one of the best posts I have read in a while 🙂
    And what is evident from your post is the beauty of the fact that in your journey to find love, in your big and small scarifices for it—-you actually inched closer to finding the real you and discovered the art of loving yourself.
    And what is evident through your post is

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  17. Love is strange. If having sex is the only way to define love then that’s really stupid. Love is such kindness to others. You can make them happy just by being with them. Even though sometimes its hard to figure out what they want..but life is full of mysteries. You never know if they are “the one”. Everything happens for a reason. Learn from you’re mistakes. Realize it’s not only the guys fault.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  25. Hi, this is shitij and I am from INDIA. I really loved the way you expressed your feelings into words. And obviously yes hope is the last thing ever who can save you before destroying and you have hope.
    Great story.
    God bless you
    May you have happy life ahead.
    🙂

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  29. Its funny, I’m clinging onto something that is no longer there anymore…and all the things I’ve done for love run through my mind. You beat yourself down, because love, well for LOVE you must sacrifice right? No, for love you give and receive in turn, its so hard to keep that in mind. However, its so important to remember.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  32. I’m so happy for you that you have found the “one” for you, I thought I had to he was so kind and sweet to me it was the first time I felt, different, for somebody like we had a good connection but I found out that he’d been lying to me all along, I found out that he actually had another girlfriend back in America (while he was on a tourist trip here in the UK) i was so heartbroken, I just hope that one day I can find somebody like you have he sounds perfect xx 😔

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  49. Hi Patti, I loved your post. If all of us were as honest about the mistakes we have made in our love lives we might keep more women from making the same ones. Every lesson I’ve learnt I’ve learnt the hard way, but eventually we get a clue. I’m glad that the madness ended and you found your perfect one. When you find that one good egg, you don’t mind all the other ones that much!

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

I Love Getting Mail!