What I Did For Love

1374291_724263284266109_1603825607_nSo I openly and loudly consider myself one of the luckiest women alive, because somehow I managed to find one of those incredibly rare and unique men who is kind, loving, loyal, intelligent, funny, laid back, and who puts up with me willingly and happily. Oh, and he’s hot. Like REAL hot. Good work, Murin.

Fear not, this whole blog is not going to be a sickeningly delirious post about how much I love my fiancee and how lucky I am to have found him and blah blah blah chick lit novel I can’t believe he’s mine what did I do to deserve this. No, I deserve him. Oh, I freaking deserve him. Because when I look back on everything I went through to get him? I can’t believe I lasted this long without becoming a nun or a cat lady, or worst of all, a contestant on The Bachelor.

So for a moment, let’s travel back in time to my younger (stupider), more innocent (stupider) days, where I was willing to give 98% of men a chance to be my Prince Charming, and I believed that every time a guy slept with me, he obviously must love me and would never be able to live without me. Yes, I did all of the standard insane things one does when their adrenaline and emotions and libido are all racing to an unforeseen finish line. I called too much, texted too much, stalked MySpace (yup, I said it), and IMed with my friends late into the night, cutting and pasting every IM chat I’d had with him, analyzing all the different things “gotta go now bye” could possibly mean.

When I was in college, I wore the same kind of deodorant that my crush wore because I wanted to smell him all day. It was Old Spice. What I smelled like for love.

Also in college, I was SO determined to make an ex-boyfriend jealous that I somehow finagled myself a solo in a presentation for the whole theatre department which involved performing a striptease down to my underwear and seducing a guy. (Fun trivia, it was Mark Fisher of Mark Fisher Fitness! And for you musical theatre nerds out there, it was “Some Other Life” from Hello Again.) And as Mark Fisher had not yet invented his stellar Snatched workout program, I was not snatched in any way and had somehow gained 22 pounds my freshman year. What I did for love. Or revenge?

There was yet another college boy who I was sure was the love of my life. One summer night while we were both home with our parents, we each drove halfway towards each other and met at midnight on the Palisades Parkway, just to say hello. Actually, that one is kind of awesome. Except that he happened to be my boyfriend’s best friend. #whatididforlove #oops

One night, while I was out of town doing a show, I had a one night stand with someone I was working with. I knew he was leaving the next day, so when it came time to go back to my hotel room, I purposely left my bra in HIS hotel room so I could go back the next day and see him one more time before he left. When I knocked on the door, he told me he had already packed his suitcases and he didn’t find a bra anywhere. I mean, dude, I know it was there. He still owes me a bra. What I lost for “love.”

When I was 24, I somehow convinced myself that the guy I was meant to be with was a 20 year old who illegally owned a gun, grew weed in his closet, and kept all of his cash in his underwear drawer because he didn’t have a bank account. But he was sooooo sweet. What I could have gotten arrested for for love.

Within one year, I flew to three different states to visit three different guys and then never saw them again. What I paid for love.

I moved to Long Island to live with a guy I had only been dating for 5 months, and started working as a nanny. I was away from my wonderful apartment that I shared with my best friend in the world, away from my favorite city in the world, and away from where all of the auditions were held on a daily basis. Which meant I gave up a little corner of my own dream of being on Broadway, because it was just easier to stay home and cook him dinner. And for the first time in my life, I actually had to think about my answer when he asked me, “So how long are you going to do this acting thing for?” What I sacrificed for love.

I got married and divorced. What I really truly believed in for love.

And the worst offense of all? I, Patricia Marie Elizabeth Murin, lifelong New York Giants fan, rooted for goddamn New England Patriots. What I am still ashamed of for love.

For all of you singles out there, it took me way longer than I hope it takes you to learn what it means to really know yourself, and to respect yourself when it comes to dating and mating and love. Because if someone really loves you? They won’t care if you own a sweatshirt with the logo of their crappy football team on it. And if you really, truly love someone? You’ll never even consider buying one.335098_374674802558294_1896347909_o

365 thoughts on “What I Did For Love

  1. I hope I get such a guy soon. One that I was with for 4 years told me that I am a mistake in his life. Had to kick him out of my life. After reading your blog I feel that ‘the one’ is waiting for me somewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love it! Would you mind checking out my latest blog about a man who wanted to win his wife back? This is just a random act of kindness, I don’t know him personally but isn’t it amazing that would ask for the world to help him just to have his family back. I’ve never met someone like that. I’m a single mom, and noone has ever done something amazing just to get me and my baby back. I would really appreciate if you would take time to read it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This just gave me life 🙌🏼 I’m still in college & have made plenty & plenty of mistakes when it comes to guys. Since I lost my virginity in high school, until now, I still have yet to decide how far I would go for a man. I feel as if I deserve someone who loves every inch of me, but I’m not sure how to find him if I wonder about how much I love myself. I met a guy during my senior week, almost 2 years ago, on the boardwalk in Ocean City, MD. Once I saw him, I thought I was in love… To this day, I still think I love him. We talk when we can, & we still talk about getting married & our future life together. However, sometimes I’m not sure if he is the man that will make me better. Sometimes, I wonder if he is just a safety net until I find someone better. I’m too young to be this confused, but I’ve said “I love you” to so many guys before, I feel like I’ve lost the meaning & I won’t find it until too late…

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Someone said it’s a period we all go through. OMG I am so screwed! lol I am way too old to be making the same mistakes. When does it end?! lol Good luck to you and you fiance. It was fun reading your post, and nice to hear how happy someone is. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. This is so sweet. actually we women sacrifice a lot for love but unfortunately most of the men never appreciate our effort. what we need is to learn to love ourselves first and be our own hero. thanks for sharing your story

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh freak ! This is too damn good. The way you described what sacrifices you did just considering it as true love was really touching. You are right about True Love, that person loves you as you are, understands you as you think
    You dont have to change yourself or sacrifice
    This is beautiful 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I found this so interesting! Your writing style is so engaging, and screams to be read!
    I am actually trying to start up a blog as well, and would love if you would check it out!

    havesexwithme.wordpress.com

    I look forward to reading more of your work!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you for sharing your “what you did for love” experiences.
    I must say i can truly relate to some of the things you mentioned. i have done some crazy stupid things for love. but the older i get and the more i learn, it all makes since. Waiting for that true special someone, well only time can tell… And i say, maybe all the things we did for previous lovers/flings or random hook ups were meant to happen, so that we can be mentally and physically ready for our true partner in crime. heheh

    Liked by 2 people

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