“35 For 35” UPDATE!

4 and a half months ago, I made a list of 35 things I wanted to do or achieve or work on during my 35th year on this planet. “35 For 35.” Get it? So I figured it’s time to review my progress and see what I have accomplished, am working on, or just plain forgot about. Here we go!

1. No more emotional cutting.

I’m getting better. I have relapses, but I’m gonna say that I’m kinda kicking this one’s ass.

2. Send birthday cards on time to friends and family.

Ummm…..

3. Research LASIK and get it done if possible.

Not done yet.

4. Drink sauvignon blanc in New Zealand.

Okay, this one may not happen this year, but I did drink a crap ton of wine in the Maldives, somewhere I have always wanted to go.

5. Be on a TV show.

DONE! Catch me on Chicago Med this Tuesday, February 16th at 9 EST/8 CST. They let me be a doctor!

6. Complete a draft of a TV pilot.

I started it!

7. Publish one blog a week.

With #PartyWithPatti, I think I’ve actually exceeded this one.

8. Eat a freaking cronut.

WHY HASN’T ANYONE BOUGHT ME A CRONUT YET???

9. Commit to my year-long project and do it.

This is #PartyWithPatti. I’m doing it. It’s happening. It’s fun!

10. Read all of the books on my shelves that I have not yet read, and donate the ones I have no interest in reading.

HA HA HA HA HA HA I just bought like 4 more books in the time it took to type all those HAs.

11. Take a writing class at Second City.

May have to wait until next year.

12. Learn to like eating peppers.

I’m actually even more scared of vegetables now, after drinking carrot juice sent me into anaphylactic shock and all allergy tests were completely inconclusive.

13. Call at least one human being a day.

Checking phone records, and I think I’m doing okay on this one. Sometimes it’s not on purpose that I speak to a human, but it still counts.

14. Relearn how to speak Spanish.

Note: Start Rosetta Stone.

15. Play the clarinet again.

I just gotta find a clarinet now….

16. Learn how to cook 5 new meals.

I’m doing okay! I made Curried Chicken earlier this year, and Alfredo Mac and Cheese bites! Many more food celebration days coming up too.

17. Volunteer on some sort of wildlife rescue mission.

Note: Research this.

18. Run 5 5Ks.

I actually have to amend this one, as my left knee has been giving me a bit of a problem this year. So instead, I’m going to donate to every one of my friends who is running a marathon or half marathon this year.

19. Keep $1 in my pocket everywhere I go, so I’m always ready to give it to a homeless person.

I do okay at this! I find myself not walking right past them anymore, and if I don’t have $1, I give whatever change I can find.

20. Greatly reduce my addiction to my iPhone.

I would say I’ve reduced my addiction to it by like 4%.

21. Pay off my student loans.

I DID IT!!!!!!

22. Visit one museum per month.

Ummmmm…….

23. Create photo albums.

I made our wedding album, realized how easy it is, and now have plans for more.

24. Make peace with my body image.

It’s truly getting so much better.

25. Reevaluate my relationship with alcohol.

This one goes on and off, but the awareness has been a huge step.

26. Be on Broadway again.

More on this later…STAY TUNED FOR NEWS!!!

27. Read one inspirational book per month. 

I bought like 6 more…does that count?

28. Stop apologizing for everything. 

I have improved greatly.

29. Go to the ballet and the opera.

Ummmm……

30. Get paid actual money to write.

Not yet. Only a matter of time, right?

31. BE ON TIME.

Getting back to my old punctual ways again!

32. Stop playing Candy Crush.

HA HA HA I actually downloaded a whole new Candy Crush game HA HA HA HA HA

33. Make exercising about enjoyment, not calorie-burning.

DONE. I found Heated Power Vinyasa Yoga, and I love it so freaking much.

34. Take a ballet class.

Ummmm……

35. See my wine glass as always being half full.

I can honestly say that I am happier now than I have ever been in my entire life. And it isn’t about being employed, or feeling important, or being skinny. It’s because I love my life, and the people in my life. At the risk of sounding goopy and cheesy, I didn’t know happiness like this was even possible.

Now, off to find a clarinet….

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Read If You Love Puppies

Hi friends!

So, as I’m sure you all know, I love dogs. All dogs, but rescue dogs have a very special place in my heart. So much so that when I have to cry in an audition I just think about the poor little peanuts sitting in cages, waiting for someone to love them, and I’m such a bawling mess that the casting people are petrified and my mascara is dripping into my cleavage.

I’ve been volunteering with rescue organizations in New York City for almost a year now, and through that, I met a whole group of incredible women who also cry when they think about our furry friends who go unloved for years, often before meeting an untimely and unceremonious end. Oh god, I need a tissue break.

Okay, THIS is where the happiness starts! One of these women, Rachael Ziering, has taken it upon herself to start a brand new rescue in the NYC area. Went through the whole government application process, is tirelessly raising money to defray startup costs, and works nonstop to find as many foster moms and dads as possible so she can pull more and more dogs from high kill shelters. The name is Muddy Paws Rescue, and if you follow me on any sort of social media or blog site, you will involuntarily commit this name to memory before long, because I’m gonna be a HUGE pain in the ass about it.

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This is Fawn, a 9 week old boxer mix. She was neglected for the first two months of her life, but is now gaining weight and becoming the playful puppy she was meant to be. Now all she needs is a home!

http://www.muddypawsrescue.org

TONIGHT is Muddy Paws Rescue’s very first adoption event in New York City! It is taking place from 7-9 PM at Doggystyle pet store, which is located at 46 University Place at 9th Street, just south of Union Square. 8 pups have been adopted already, and there are 23 more who need their angels to come in and give them homes, so they can finally learn how to be safe and happy and, well, dogs.

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This is Petey. You can’t have him.

I personally witnessed the dramatic change when we adopted Petey, our 2 year old terrier mix. He was skin and bones and wouldn’t look anyone in the eye. He was incredibly submissive, though very protective over his food. But after just 3 days of being in a home, with a canine brother and two loving human parents, getting fed every day at the appropriate time, and snuggling so deep into our laps that we couldn’t tell where his head or tail was, he was well on his way to trusting a human, something he probably had never been able to do before.

So please, help any way you can! If you can, foster! If you’re feeling charitable, donate. Even $1 or $5 will help immensely. If you aren’t in a position to do that, please follow Muddy Paws Rescue on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook, and retweet and share and share and retweet. You never know, one of your posts could very well help to find a pup their permanent family.

I’ve always loved dogs. But it took a while for me to realize just how much. I’m so proud of Rachael, and so honored to be sharing this journey with her from the very beginning.

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This is Monkey, a 4 month old, 4 pound chihuahua mix. You know those terrifying TV shows about hoarders, where they find animals amongst all that filth? That has been Monkey’s life so far.

 

Saving one animal will not change the world, but for that one animal, the world will change forever.

http://www.muddypawsrescue.org

 

“The Bachelor” Recap: Vegas, Baby!

You guys, I’m so sorry that I haven’t written a recap since the premiere, but I’ve been busy. And lazy. And also a little drunk most Mondays after the show. But I’m back (at least for this week), so let’s dive in!

It’s Week 4, and we have a bunch of ladies whose names I do know, a bunch of Laurens that I can’t tell apart, and some other women who literally could have snuck in the back door last night and I wouldn’t know the difference. It’s a super exciting episode immediately, because Ben and the ladies are going to….Vegas. I mean, VEGAS! By the way they scream at this, you’d think they all got a lifetime of free hair extensions and no-chip manicures.

It’s no secret, I do not like Las Vegas. I spent 6 weeks there while on tour with “Wicked,” and while the people are truly lovely and kind, that city is the devil. But these ladies are excited, especially when they see their super sweet suite inside the Aria Hotel. Date Card #1 arrives, and it’s for JoJo. Olivia, our resident crazy, is very Zen about Ben going out with other women, because as she says, “Ben is my peace.” At first I think she says “Ben is my piece,” like, he’s her piece of ass, and you know what? I’m gonna choose to believe that.

Alas, Ben is not her piece/peace for long, because he arrives to pick up JoJo and kisses her in full view of the ladies while waiting for their helicopter to land (I can’t believe I type these sentences sometimes). It’s an Exorcist-style turnaround for Olivia, who is all of a sudden raging with insecurity and angry eyes. Date Card #2 arrives right away, and everyone except Becca is going on the Group Date the next day. Olivia immediately plots Becca’s murder, as this means she has gotten the second One on One Date.

JoJo and Ben have a perfectly lovely time, and she opens up about her “difficult past,” which includes a boyfriend cheating on her. No, that’s it. That’s her difficult past. No one died, no one mugged her at gunpoint, she doesn’t have an eating disorder. So if JoJo has a difficult past, my past is tragic and it’s a miracle that I’m still alive. Ben gives her the rose, there’s a special fireworks display for them, and he obviously wants to stick it in her as soon as humanly possible. Prediction: One Fantasy Suite card for JoJo, please.

It’s Group Date time! Caila is the first person to ever be excited for a Group Date, and they all head to a theatre, where they meet Terry Fator, the brilliant ventriloquist from America’s Got Talent who has a resident show in Vegas. He informs them that today’s challenge is a talent show that they will perform in front of 1200 people, to which most of the girls say, “I have no talent.” At least, not a talent that they can perform on national TV in front of a room full of people. ZING!

Some people are legit awesome, like the twins and their Irish step dancing, and Jubilee and her cello. Then there’s a Lauren dressed up as a chicken, and maybe another Lauren in clown makeup. But the high/lowlight of this event is clearly Olivia. She picks out a Vegas showgirl outfit, complete with a cape, finds a fake cake to pop out of, and proceeds to do a “dance” routine that would make Nomi Malone push her down the stairs just so she would stop. She’s barefoot in tights, clearly is not a performer in any capacity, and everyone is mortified and yet can’t look away. I was afraid she would do something topless, but by the end I think that’s the only thing that could have helped her at all. Honestly, I would have been truly impressed if she had shown how she gets her hair to part so perfectly every day. Now THAT’S talent.

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Happy Birthday?

Olivia knows that she did not succeed, and has a panic attack after leaving the stage. It’s actually kind of sad, because it’s the most self aware she’s been so far this season. They transition to the evening portion of Date Night, and Caila grabs Ben right away for a minute alone. He’s impressed by her forwardness and calls her a “sex panther.” A sex panther? Really, Ben? If a guy called me a sex panther, I would TOTALLY….make out with him and then regret it upon further consideration later. And then probably make out with him again.

Lauren H. hangs out with Ben and Little Ben for a bit, who is “way bigger than I would have expected.” Guys! Get your minds out of the gutter! Little Ben is a PUPPET. Also, Ben is a terrible ventriloquist, and Lauren H. will be picking hair out of her teeth for the rest of the night from making out with Little Ben. THE PUPPET, GUYS!!! What do you think this is, Week 7?

But Olivia has other plans, and drags him aside in her bathrobe dress and kitten heel strappy sandals to apologize for making a fool of herself. He tells her it’s all good, but before she can get any further with him, one of the twins interrupts. Which one? I have no idea. The one who wears jean shorts on the treadmill, maybe. Or the one who…yeah, no, I have no idea. Ben spends some time with a twin and then a Lauren, and is chatting up the other twin (I think), when Olivia COMES BACK AGAIN.

This time it seems like she snorted a little too much Vitamin C powder or chugged a green juice, because she’s snapping her fingers and dancing around nervously, and Ben has to ask what the hell is going on with her. She apologizes again, Ben is not into the reassurance thing, but he steels himself for a quick kiss on the lips anyway, and Olivia is happy again. That’s all she wanted. And we see her mood spin Exorcist-style once again, to the point that she’s convinced herself that he loves her and they’re going to get married. Basically, what I did every time a guy wanted to make out with me between the ages of 21 and 33.

Olivia is quickly disappointed again, as Lauren B. is the recipient of the Date Rose. Oh, Olivia. You were literally created to appear on Bachelor in Paradise.

It’s time for Becca’s One On One Date! A huge box arrives at the hotel for her, which (of course) contains a wedding dress, as they are in the “marriage capitol of the world.” I’m assuming the annulment capitol of the world as well. Becca puts on the gown, and manages to make something that was clearly bought in a nameless pop-up prom shop in the mall look decent-ish. Jubilee accurately snarks that Becca is the only person in that room who can wear white, because remember? Becca is a virgin! Still! She hops into the pink convertible that’s waiting outside, and is driven to a chapel.

Once there, Ben totally pulls the fakeout proposal move on her, and Becca actually looks disappointed when he reveals that he wants her to “marry OTHER people” with him. As in, he’s an Internet ordained minister and people actually want him to unite them in holy matrimony. She changes into a normal looking (but still white!) dress, and they begin. There are multiple men in tuxedo tees, a lot of colorful tattoos, and one extremely weird kiss that would take too long to explain. Nighttime falls, and they head to one of the coolest places in Vegas, The Neon Museum. It’s where all of the old Vegas signage goes when it’s taken down, and is pretty spectacular. They have dinner but don’t eat, talk about Becca’s virginity, and I fall asleep because they’re both so good looking and boring. Becca gets the Date Rose and a kiss, but in my opinion, I don’t think Ben feels as passionate about her as he does some of the other ladies. She’s super pretty and perfectly lovely, but still kiiiiinda cardboard-y.

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And that’s it for the dates! Or is it?? Chris Harrison comes by the hotel to tell the ladies that Ben wants to take the twins on a Two On One Date…to their house. See, the twins grew up in Vegas and still live with their mom and 5 dachshunds just down the street. Is it all starting to make sense?

So in possibly the WORST date ever, they go home to visit mom, and he gets a chance to see their bedrooms. One of which (Haley’s maybe?) has a multitude of bright lacy bras hanging, stuffed animals, and at least two pictures of her and her ex-boyfriend still framed and displayed. That DEFINITELY screams “very near future wife.” Ben sits down with mom, and we have no questions about what the twins will look like later in life. And in the most humane rejection ever, he tells Haley that he is choosing Emily to move on, and she has to stay here with here mommy. Both girls cry for different reasons, but mainly because now Emily has to come up with a new occupation, since she can no longer just be “Twin.”

Cocktail party time! Jennifer (who?) steps up and grabs Ben right away, and gets him for a WHOLE THREE MINUTES before Olivia does her creepy stalking thing and steals him away. (Side note: If I was on this, I would change the rules of stealing. If a guy was like, “Can I steal you?” I would be all, “No, Derrick, you can’t, cause I’m not a possession. I’ll let you know when I’m done talking to Monty S.”)

Olivia thinks it’s a perfect time to eat an entire piece of cheesecake in front of Ben, as she has discovered that her real talent is “eating.” If that’s her talent, then I’m a professional dog adopter, wine taster, online shopper, and pizza order-er. He gives her the same spiel he’s given her twice already this week, and moves on to reassure Jubilee, who is also quietly freaking out. It’s that week, y’all. That week when they realize THEY’RE ALL DATING THE SAME GUY.

Rose Ceremony time! Roses go to Amanda (who??), Lauren H., Jubilee, Emily, Caila, Jennifer, Leah (I give up), and…OLIVIA. But Ben gives an obvious grimace before he announces her name, and we’re pretty sure the producers made him keep her around cause everyone else is too normal. This means Amber and Rachel are headed home, and Amber fails to find love on her third series of the franchise.

Next week, I promise you more crazy, roses, Mexico City, and enough sequins to dress an entire toddler beauty pageant! Adios, amigos!olivia-mouth-600x329

Kaleidoscope Heart

Everyone has their music. That band, that singer, that original cast recording, that movie soundtrack. The one that you realize one day has followed you through the years, marking very specific moments in your life, without even trying. You love their music, but more than that, it is actually ingrained in your life and your memories, and 30 years from now when one of their songs comes through the Bluetooth chip embedded in your head (pretty sure that’s where technology is going), you’ll be transported back to that moment with all of the feelings and images completely intact and as fresh as ever. That music, for me, is Sara Bareilles.sara-bareilles-browadway-waitress-2015-bb26-billboard-650

“Gonna quit my job and move to New York and tattoo my body with every Broadway show.” Those are lyrics from “Vegas,” and a boy that I was flirting with hardcore gave me his headphones so I could hear those words and marvel at how wonderful they were. Someone singing about Broadway shows, while we were in the dressing rooms of OUR Broadway show! Doesn’t seem too deep, but I eventually married that boy, and the memory stuck.

“Gravity.” I wanted to sing this song so badly at a concert that I scoured the Internet for the sheet music, and when I realized it hadn’t yet been released, I found someone to transcribe it for me. I sang it at any audition that required a pop/rock song, and because it wasn’t as well known yet as it is now, that song made me look amazingly cool and hip. It also made me cry every time, though I didn’t know why. At least not consciously.

“King of Anything.” This song was part of a playlist called “I Rock,” which I would run to on the treadmill at the gym. The aforementioned marriage did not work out, and the rejection and hurt and anger were raw. Pink, Kelly Clarkson and Sara B. were my support system, through their words and voices and emotion. Eventually I graduated to the acceptance stage and picked myself up, right in time for “Brave” to come out.

“Brave” was a revelation of energy and love, and the first time in months that my tears were born of happiness. It was a turning point, where I learned how to dance by myself in my bedroom, because nobody else was home. And I was okay with that. I could be brave.

“Chasing the Sun” became a new treadmill song, and I was ready to open my heart again, just a little bit.

I was fortunate enough to be introduced to Sara’s “Waitress” score sooner than most people, when I auditioned for a reading of it. I wasn’t nervous to sing for her, I just really wanted to remember every single detail about that moment. “She Used To Be Mine” was a song that I couldn’t listen to or sing without collapsing into a pool of tears for about a week. I was in a new relationship with the best man I had ever known, but I was still going through the process of figuring out who I really was and wanted to be. It seemed like I had been given a second chance at being happy, and this song felt like it had been written for my heart.

This was the day I finally met Sara, and she was everything I wanted her to be and more. Sounds cheesy, but I promise you it’s true. She radiates warmth and kindness. There’s nothing disingenuous about her. She listens, and she hears. She also gives excellent hugs.

Cut to one year later, dancing with that wonderful man at our wedding. Our wedding song? “I Choose You.”

Sara Bareilles has been with me through the tough times, the uncertain times, and the most joyous times. She has always been my friend, she just didn’t know it until recently.

“I am not scared of the elements, I am underprepared. But I am willing, and even better, I get to be the other half of you.”

 

“Daddy’s Little Girl”

I love oldies music. I know oldies music better than most people from my generation. Oldies songs come on the radio that I swear I’ve never heard before, yet somehow I know every single word. When CDs started showing up in our house, I would choose the 50’s collections over the 80’s collections. And when we sang “Rock Around the Clock” in fifth grade, I was absolutely the kid who belted it louder than anyone else, because I was COOL and KNEW THAT SONG ALREADY.

This can be explained very easily. One of my earliest fully formed memories is of visiting my dad at the radio station he worked for, either to bring him dinner, or just to say hello and watch him talk into the microphone, on the other end of which thousands of dedicated music lovers were listening to him and his own Oldies Show, “Magic Oldies Magazine.” My dad, Greg Murin, was a DJ.284378_10150319521840450_6613687_n

He started at Marist College while he was still in undergrad, doing shows for the student radio station. Then he became a middle school biology teacher, and fell away from it for a while. About 15 years later, he was looking into applying to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting to take up DJing again on the side, when Putnam County Radio in New York asked him to come work for them instead. He started with a  Sunday morning show, also worked in sports broadcasting, and eventually worked his way up to his own Saturday night show, the aforementioned “Magic Oldies Magazine.”

It was a show that he could create himself and had free reign over. He used to say, “If it’s two years old, it’s golden.” So because an oldie could be anything from 1955 up until two years before, it appealed to a much wider audience. He would have a featured artist every week and play highlights from their career, and he also liked to get creative and employ themes. For example, he would play only songs that had a color in the title, or songs about rain, etc. He didn’t do it for the money: according to him, being a DJ has always paid terribly and still does. He did it because he loved music so much, and still does.

Eventually he had to stop because he was taking on more responsibility at school and coaching various sports teams (seriously, my dad can do ANYTHING), but he would still fill in every now and then. When I asked if he would ever get back into it now that he’s retired, he said, “Only if I win the lottery and can buy my own station. And I would do a real Music Lovers’ Station, where I may play a Broadway song, and then an oldie, and then something more current. There’s nothing like that out there now.”

Among his favorite songs of all time? “It Ain’t Me, Babe,” but the Turtles version, not the Dylan version. “The Pied Piper,” a little known song by Crispian St. Peters. “Elusive Butterfly,” another obscure song by Bob Lind, which is pretty fantastic (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5mD_loFlfg). “Your Song,” by Elton John. And, of course, “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” by Elvis Presley, which happens to be my parents’ wedding song.11036540_1142162649142835_2554597558841786358_n

He absolutely loves his iPod, and finds himself still downloading older music that he remembers from when he was a kid. But he does switch on the Top 40 satellite radio station every so often to listen for a few days and see if anything strikes him. Among his current favorites are Andy Grammer, and “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor. That last one shocked me, and then I realized once again that my dad is really freaking cool.

He’s not one of those people who looks down on new music because he’s stuck in the past. He recognizes really great song structure, and has been immersed in some of the best music in the country for his entire life. The only thing he doesn’t consider music is rap. But here’s why: “I don’t consider rap ‘music.’ I consider it poetry. It’s artistic, but it doesn’t have a melody and so I can’t think of it as music. It is poetry, however.”

Kind of brilliant, right? I owe so much to both of my parents for introducing me to theatre and musicals at a very early age, and to my dad for making sure my musical vocabulary was vast and comprehensive. My dad was a DJ because he was passionate about it. Not only did he show me music, but he showed me that it’s okay to do what you love, even when the only thing you’re getting in return is happiness. I love you, Dad.patti and colin 4-0787

 

Guest Blogging!

Hi friends!

I recently did a guest blog for my yoga studio, and I wanted to share it with all of you. It was way scarier than writing for my own blog, because I was writing for an audience that I was generally unfamiliar with, as opposed to my own gang of fun supporters. Also, the fact that I just used the phrase “my yoga studio” is solid proof of how much I have changed in the past few months/years, as I used to be a person who regularly said, “I hate yoga. It’s just not for me.” Cut to: right now. I found a studio and a method and a group of people that I adore, and I’m in for life.

http://barefeetpoweryoga.com/uncategorized/guest-blogger-patti-murin/

So enjoy!

XO

Patti

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I used this picture earlier this year, before I realized that I’m a yogi at heart.

 

New Blog for #PartywithPatti

I just have SO MUCH to say that I had to create a whole new site for all of it! In case some of you who read Literally Patti Murin are not following #PartywithPatti every single second of every day, I don’t want you to be inundated with emails and tweets about it. So I’ve spun off a separate blog specifically for our 366 Days of Celebration in 2016.

https://partywithpatti.wordpress.com

Subscribe to that one if you want up to the minute accounts of what I’m celebrating, and what you could be celebrating too! I’ve linked it to my Twitter and Facebook accounts, so it will be nice and annoying there as well. Thanks friends!